Interview with Ashley: IVF and the military
Ashley currently lives in Salt Lake City, Utah with her husband and 5 year old son. Ashley is an Air Force spouse and a Navy Veteran.
Tell us about when you first started trying to get pregnant, what was that like?
Our first pregnancy happened quickly and was uneventful. To be honest, I thought IVF would be similar. I thought it would be a breeze for us. We didn’t have problems conceiving in the past, so why would this be any different? I was naïve and blind to the fact that IVF comes with its own hurdles to overcome. IVF put me in check!
You are doing IVF for genetic reasons, can you tell us more about that, including the ways you discovered there was a problem, and why IVF is the best solution?
At around four months old, we noticed that our son was not meeting specific age-appropriate milestones. At the time, we were living in Japan so our resources were limited. The first specialist we saw told us not to worry, but we took it upon ourselves to do some genetic testing stateside and found that our son had a “Duplication of Genetic Material on the Short Arm of the X-chromosome.”
Knowing that every boy in the world has an x and a y chromosome, with the x being given from the mom and the y being given from the dad, we decided to move forward with getting myself tested. Sure enough, I have the same duplication, but with no symptoms - making me a carrier. Unfortunately, there is no name for this genetic mutation and very few documented cases exist. From the cases that have been reported, the individuals are mostly male and show signs of autism, intellectual disability, or developmental delay, all varying in severity.
Since discovering this mutation, we have met with several different Geneticists and Genetic Counselors. Obviously, our first concern is our son, but we also have wanted to expand our family and the thought of passing that mutation on to another child was just not an option. When conceiving naturally, a girl would have a 50/50 chance of receiving the gene since a girl receives 2 x chromosomes (one from mom and one from dad). Therefore, a female child could be unaffected, but still have the mutation (like myself, be a carrier). In this scenario, the second x makes up for the duplication on the affected X.
For a boy, things look a little different. Each boy only gets one X so the boy could be unaffected (I gave him my good x), affected (I gave him my bad X), or be an unaffected carrier (I gave him my bad X but he is asymptomatic). In our case, there’s less known about the last option because we have not been able to get any of my immediate male family members tested to see if they have the mutation.
Our goal through IVF would be to eliminate that duplication altogether by selecting an unaffected male or female embryo. This is done through PGT-M testing, which would test for our specific gene mutation.
That is a lot to learn and process! I am sure it has been challenging moving forward. In what ways has IVF impacted your everyday life?
It’s a constant thought in my mind. I try to be present in the present, but the constant waiting is a daunting process. Through both cycles, I’ve cut out caffeine which was initially a big change for me and have also scaled back slightly on exercise. It’s also been interesting watching how both my husband and I handle each step differently. My husband is more of a numbers guy, whereas I tend to let my emotions guide me. I think we do well at balancing each other out.
That is a good balance! I noticed you are a military spouse. I imagine that is challenging. What is it like going through IVF when your husband is in the military?
Unfortunately, our insurance does not cover IVF cycles. We were fortunate to get some of the medication paid for but 95% has been out of pocket. Since we have known that IVF was always in the future for us, luckily we were able to save up some extra cash during my husband’s last deployment.
In what other ways is the military supportive? In what ways is support lacking?
My husband’s flying squadron and immediate supervisors have been very supportive with time off and schedule flexibility over the last two cycles. In my opinion, the Air Force is lacking in coverage for IVF cycles. Overall, we have good insurance and have been fortunate to have many things covered that other insurance wouldn’t, but this is one area that could use a second look by those in charge.
You are a business owner - amazing! Tell us about your business.
Our shop specializes in handmade, home goods with a heavy influence from my husband’s aviation career and my son’s love for fast jets. We’ve recently added some IVF keepsakes to our store as well. All profits from these listings go directly into funding our IVF journey. (You can visit the website HERE).
Who are the greatest supporters to you throughout this journey?
My greatest supporters have been my husband, my son, and our immediate family.
If you could share one thing with other people going through similar experiences, what would it be?
In our circumstance, with already having a child and in circumstances such as secondary infertility, it’s okay to be on this journey too! You may hear things like “at least you already have one” but it’s okay to want another one. You can be happy with what you have and also yearn for another chance. Another chance to be “Mom.” You’re not selfish or greedy and your feelings are no less valid than anyone else’s.
What do you do for joy?
Read! I love getting lost in a good book.
Me as well! Anything else you would like our readers to know about your experiences?
Feel all the emotions and don’t be afraid to reach out to someone if you need to. My friend once told me “IVF is hard on the heart” - and that is true. Unfortunately, people can’t see how we feel on the inside. Celebrate the highs and give yourself the chance to grieve the lows. But, most importantly, know you’re not alone.
