Interview with Aly: “Finding Comfort in Journaling”
About Aly:
Aly and her husband have been trying to conceive for a little over three years. Aly has a nearly 12 year old son who has always wanted a sibling. After experiencing four pregnancy losses along their journey, Aly and her husband are getting ready to start IVF. In her spare time, Aly loves to bullet journal, craft, watch TV shows/movies, and spend time with family. (Instagram @secondaryinfertility.journey)
Tell us a little about your experiences with infertility thus far?
Infertility is something that I never really heard much about. After 8 months of trying to have a baby, we spoke to my OBGYN. She said she “wouldn't be concerned until we had been trying for a full year”. Two months after that we were over the moon to receive a positive pregnancy test. But then I had a missed miscarriage at 8.5 weeks. We were devastated.
We went on to have two more losses when they finally referred us to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I had blood work done (which all came back normal), HSG (also came back normal), and we did two IUIs. The second IUI resulted in a chemical pregnancy. We couldn't figure out why.
They told us that our next option should be IVF. Through all of this, I have learned how lonely and isolating infertility can be. I think it's something that should be talked about more so people know they are not alone in this journey.
Thank you for sharing. Tell us a little more about the infertility treatments you have gone through so far and the medical support you have received.
I have done one round of Letrozole and timed intercourse as well as two rounds of IUI. The first round of Letrozole and timed intercourse failed. The first round of IUI also failed, and the second round of IUI ended in a chemical pregnancy. We will be starting IVF at the end of December 2021.
The absolute best medical support I received was from my PCP and OBGYN. I had horrible experiences with other OBGYN'S that have stepped int o help while mine was not available, and it has made me appreciate my OBGYN so much more. She takes the time to listen to me, make sure I'm okay, let's me know that it's nothing that I have done to myself, and advocated for testing and further professional help.
What do you wish your friends and family better understood about your experiences?
That it hurts deeply and also that I am okay talking about it. I don't want people to walk on egg shells around me. I do appreciate them thinking of me, however I want them to know it's also okay to ask me how I'm handling everything.
That is a great point. Sometimes we really do want to talk about what we are going through! In what ways have you found work best to cope with your losses?
Talking about my experiences, as well as journaling about them. I tried to just ignore it and push the emotions away but that just made it so much worse. I finally started talking about it and it really helped me cope with what was happening.
Have you received any particularly helpful advice?
Some of the best advice I've gotten is that it's okay to feel your emotions and to talk about them. It's okay to not be okay all the time.
On the other side, what advice have you received that was ridiculous and/or hurtful?
“That I should just adopt”.
Or “if it doesn't happen naturally then maybe it just wasn't meant to be”.
And finally, what do you wish you knew before you began this infertility journey?
That this is going to be one of the hardest things I would go through. That it is going to test my limits of what I thought I could handle. That it will test my family and friendships. And ultimately that I won't really be alone and everything I do and go through will be worth it, even if it doesn't end with a baby in my arms. I will be able to say I tried everything I could.