Interview with Corey: Through Loss and Hope

Corey, 37 years old, was born and raised in North Carolina.  She loves “friends, family, live music and sports (GO ECU PIRATES!)”.  In her down time she reads or does puzzles.  Corey and her husband have been married since 2018 and have one daughter, Kinsley, and one embaby in heaven.  She is the Assistant Director of NC and a Board Certified Behavior Analyst at ABS Kids.  

Your journey has had a lot of different parts. Can you provide a summary of the timeline of your fertility journey?

End of 2018 after getting married in September, my husband and I started trying to conceive naturally.  I had been on birth control for YEARS, so knew it may take a while to get pregnant.  After not getting pregnant naturally, I went to my OBGYN in December 2019.  

In May of 2020, my husband had a semen analysis and I started doing medicated cycles with Clomid.  My husband’s semen analysis came back normal and we continued medicated cycles.  When we still had not had any success by August 2020, two years since we began trying, I set up a consultation with Carolina’s Fertility Institute (CFI).  They had a waitlist until November 2020, but they had a cancellation in September and we were able to get in and decided to start with IUI.

I was put on Synthroid for low thyroid hormone.  All my other bloodwork came back normal.  In October 2020, we did our first IUI but sadly, it was unsuccessful.  But in November we tried IUI again and had success!  We were THRILLED!! At 10 weeks, I graduated from CFI and started seeing a maternal fetal medicine doctor.  At 20 weeks, I graduated from them and was only seeing my OBGYN.  In May 2021, I saw my OBGYN at 23 weeks and everything was looking great.  

We left for the Outer Banks the next day.  While at the beach, I went into premature labor.  We were transported to Norfolk, VA because that was the closest hospital with a NICU who could handle a baby being born that premature.  They were able to stop labor for 3 days and then I ended up having our daughter at 24 weeks 1 day.  She was a micro preemie, born at 1lb 5 oz, but a FIGHTER!!!  She lived her whole life in the NICU while we adjusted to living in a different state.  

Two days before she turned 2 months old , we got the phone call we had been dreading.  Our only daughter passed away in my arms on July 26th, 2021.  

After this devastating loss, we took a couple months off from trying to conceive.  In October 2021, we started back doing IUI but at a new Fertility Clinic (REACH).  We did 4 IUI’s with no success.  That is when we decided to go back to CFI and move forward with IVF.  We had our IVF consultation in May 2022 and our egg retrieval in June 2022, where we had 29 eggs retrieved.  Ten embryo’s made it to blastocyst and we had eight of them genetically tested.  In July 2022 we did our first FET, but that was not successful.  In August 2022, we did a mock transfer to complete ERA testing.  Our 2nd FET, is scheduled for September 16th, 2022.  FINGERS CROSSED!!!

(Update - Corey is currently 24 weeks pregnant!)

You had been trying naturally for a long time. At what point did you know something was wrong?

After trying for more than 6 months with no success.  My OBGYN told me that if you were under 35 they recommend you try for a year before anything else, if over 35 you should try for 6 months before worrying.  I had just turned 35 so knew I was going to be considered geriatric and was ready to get the show on the road.  

I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. How do you cope with and process through this grief?

I am currently still trying to cope and process the loss of our daughter.  Making her a big sister is what keeps me going on a daily basis.  I do go to therapy, get acupuncture and try to take care of myself.  This includes not leaving the couch some days.  After losing her,  I have a whole new outlook on life and don’t take anything for granted.  Kinsley is the best thing that has ever happened to us and we continue to talk about and honor her.

What are some of the special ways that you honor her memory?

To honor Kinsley, we have done a variety of things.  We have a memorial in our back yard for her.  We planted a tree in her honor, have a bench with her name on it and other mementos we have been given.  I got a tattoo in her honor and have tons of jewelry that I wear daily, in her honor.  For her first birthday, we raised money for the Hope Float’s Duck Race and attended the event.  This raises funds for Kindermourn.  Kindermourn is a non-profit organization that offers group and individual therapy for parents who lose their children, at any age.  We attended an 8 week support group titled Empty Arms, through Kindermourn.  This allowed us to connect with others who had lost infants.  

What do you most wish people better understood about infant loss?

It is as bad as it seems and does not leave you!  You will never be the same person and no one should expect you to be.  No one can fix our pain/grief and I want to talk about her, just like other’s want to talk about their kids.  Saying her name is not going to all of a sudden remind me she died and make me sad.  I am well aware she died and want her to be remembered and talked about.

Would you share a little bit about your current fertility treatments?

We are about to do our 2nd FET, this Friday (9/16/22).  This time we have added Neupogen shots into our protocol.  If we do not have success soon, we will get a 2nd opinion.  Throughout this whole process, we have had NO answers as to why we are not able to get pregnant.  I am always told everything looks great and perfect, yet we are not getting pregnant.  Not having answers is a whole different frustration on its own.  It does not help, that there were no reasons that I went into premature labor.  The doctors at the Outer Banks hospital and hospital in Virginia, stated they could not find anything that caused my premature labor.    

Who are the greatest supporters to you throughout this journey? 

My husband is my #1 as he understands this more than anyone.  My friends and family are also great supports.  It is just really hard for others to understand the whole process and how mentally and physically draining it is.

Anything else you would like our readers to know about your experiences?

I am sorry you are having to go through this. I do not wish infertility or infant loss on anyone!! It is life changing.  It is OK if you are not always positive or hopeful!